The festive season is usually a time for cosiness and connection. But for some couples, this Christmas might have revealed the cracks in their relationship. 

It’s why lawyers call January 5, the first working Monday of the new year, ‘Divorce Day’ as they receive more applications to dissolve marriages than on any other date. 

But, the red flags of relationship doom aren’t always obvious. Having worked with thousands of clients as a divorce coach, I know the signs can be subtle. 

Of course, don’t panic if it’s just one – even the most devoted husband can have a bad day – but if you recognise most or all of these behaviours in your spouse, be warned.

He chose your Christmas present carefully

It can be a red flag that his gift to you was last minute. 

But often he’s chosen your present carefully. It’s what he’s chosen that’s upsetting. 

The same gift as last year (he’s forgotten.) Beautiful lingerie – two sizes too small – just cruel. 

Divorce coach Sara Davison says the red flags of relationship doom aren’t always obvious

As one client opened her gift – it was a voucher for a stylist to take her shopping at a big store – her husband leant over and said, ‘What is it?’ 

He added that he’d got his PA to sort it – and he hadn’t even bothered to ask the PA what she’d got.

He hates having his picture taken

One client told me her husband wouldn’t be in a single Christmas picture with her. He made excuses, or walked away, though he’d happily take photos of her and the children. 

When someone is imagining life without you, they stop wanting to capture a life with you. They don’t want to be in the present moment. He’s moved on. 

It’s also why some men avoid discussing future plans as a couple – if the subject is raised, they go silent.

He forgot to buy the cranberry jelly

You distinctly remember him agreeing to pick up the festive cranberry jelly, but now he denies all knowledge. You realise he’s not lying – he just wasn’t listening

If you try to have a chat, or ask him to do something, it feels like pushing boulders uphill. He zones out. He’s mentally absent. 

You distinctly remember him agreeing to pick up the festive cranberry jelly, but now he denies all knowledge. (‘What are you talking about?’). 

You realise he’s not lying – he just wasn’t listening. Your needs are not a priority for him. Emotional distance is one of the earliest signs that your partner has checked out.

He’s acting like Kevin the Teenager

You feel like you’re boring him. You sensed his reluctance around your holiday rituals – decorating the tree, having a festive movie night, or the neighbours round for drinks.