FLOURISHING AFTER 50: My family thinks I'm tight - I think I'm being realistic about Christmas
This week, leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov helps a loving grandad who is clearly being taken for granted this festive season.
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Published: 20:49 GMT, 27 December 2025 | Updated: 00:04 GMT, 28 December 2025
Dear Vanessa,
I'm a man in my late 50s, married, with three adult children and three young grandchildren - and if I'm honest, I'm dreading Christmas this year.
From the outside, we probably look like we're doing fine. We've both worked hard, raised our kids, and always tried to be generous.
Christmas has traditionally been at our place, and with that comes the assumption that we'll host, pay for most of it, and make it 'special' for everyone - especially the grandchildren.
But the expectations keep growing.
This year, there's an assumption that my wife and I will pay for a holiday house for everyone - right on the water. It's being talked about as if it's a given. The problem is, it's not cheap. Not even close.
I'd be perfectly happy with something simpler and more affordable, but when I raise that idea, I'm made to feel like I'm spoiling the fun. I hear things like, 'It's Christmas,' 'The kids will love it,' or 'You can afford it.'
What no one seems to consider is that this all comes out of real money. Money my wife and I still need for our own future. We're very aware that we don't have endless working years left, and once Christmas is over, the bills don't magically disappear.
I love my family. I adore my grandchildren. But I'm sick of feeling guilty for wanting to be careful, and I'm tired of pretending this level of spending is sustainable just to keep the peace.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to rein things in?
Feeling Fed Up
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov
Dear Fed Up
You're not being unreasonable - you're being realistic. And Christmas is often when long-standing expectations suddenly come into sharp focus.
What you're describing is incredibly common for couples at your stage of life. You've been the reliable ones - the hosts, the organisers, the ones who make things happen. Over time, that reliability quietly turns into obligation.
Paying for a holiday house - particularly an expensive one right on the water - is not a small ask. It's a significant financial decision, and it's reasonable to question it, especially when you're thinking not just about this Christmas, but the many years ahead.