England has ended an almost 15-year drought by winning a Test match on Australian soil, and they did so in typically madcap Bazball style, in two days at the MCG.

Here's how the internet reacted.

DAY ONE

Jofra Archer: out.

Pat Cummins: out.

Nathan Lyon: out.

The Ashes: decided.

It's hard to remember a less consequential Boxing Day Test.

Coming up with interesting talking points for this first of two dead rubbers was a little like conversing with teenagers during Christmas lunch: a difficult, unrewarding experience that usually ends in a silent moment of despair for the future.

Still, with the nation sluggish, weary and digesting huge heaped shavings of ham, the Aussie team began the third Test similarly, staggering in to bat dazed and giving up three quick wickets to begin the first session.

Like your dad after asking for a bite of your ice cream, Josh Tongue was doing most of the damage, but a recalled Gus Atkinson was also bowling well.

Steve Smith was looking hungry after missing the series-clinching Test with inner-ear issues, but he was sent packing after being clean bowled by Tongue.

Usman Khawaja and Alex Carey steadied the Australian innings slightly after lunch, but both departed not long after making 20.

Outside of some wayward stuff from Brydon Carse in the first few overs, the English were bowling on a threatening length, Ben Stokes had come in and struck. This was an England team focused and firing, and like a Christmas present arriving in the post on the 28th, it was nice to see them finally turn up, even if they were a bit late.

Cam Green somehow managed to run himself out. The man with the longest strides in the Australian team hesitated for a run, then saw Carse throw down the stumps after picking the ball up in his follow-through.

A loose shot saw Mitchell Starc loft one to mid-off. Michael Neser followed him off not long after, and Scott Boland the next ball after that. All out for 152, Neser top scoring with 35, and Tongue had a five-fa. 

A top- and bottom-order collapse in the cool at the MCG.

England came in to bat, and Ben Duckett continued his horror tour, ballooning one up to a willing catcher, a total miscue, for 2.

The new boy Jacob Bethell fell victim to Neser, feathering the ball onto his pad, and then into the gloves of Carey.

England was 2-8, fast-forward cricket was back on the menu.

Crawley was then caught at slip for 5, England now 3-8, the circus music was roused, parping and squeaking, the carousel's cover was thrown off with a puff of technicolour dust.

Harry Brook walked out and charged down the pitch, swinging and missing like a tipsy uncle playing beach cricket, on his very first ball.

Joe Root was next to go, for nought, edging to Carey.

Brook was dancing up and down the pitch and heaving his bat, uppercutting over the keeper, standing and whacking off shorter lengths, a full repertoire of astonishing shots; he had clearly decided: 'everyone else is nicking off playing defensively, I may as well have a real tonk here.'