Jan 1, 2026 5:34 AM

Our reviewer optimized his morning cup of coffee with creamer substitutes that promise health benefits and mental clarity.

First the influencers and manosphere loons added protein to ice cream, and I did not care because I rarely eat ice cream. Then they added it to popcorn, and I did not care because I rarely eat popcorn. Now they’re adding it to coffee creamer, and I am forced to care because I am hopelessly addicted to coffee, caffeine, and anything even remotely gimmicky in this space.

Memes aside, protein feels is everywhere these days. The usual suspects blame it on the rise of wellness culture, the rightward lurch of America’s political gestalt, and the noxious fumes emitted by the sputtering late-stage capitalist machine we’re all strapped into, whether we like it or not. The proverbial ship is sinking. You might as well get jacked and do your part to keep the economy whirring while you can.

Protein is not the only thing intrepid Shopify-powered wellness brands are encouraging you to add to coffee, but it’s certainly the most high-profile and zeitgeist-y adjunct to pour into your daily brew. Mushroom extracts, nootropics, amino acids, collagen, and a bevy of other chemical compounds purported to make your brain fire on all cylinders are all fair game here, which means the possibilities in this space are nearly endless. Coffee may be the final frontier of protein creep, and we are absolutely here for it.

To get a lay of the land, I rigorously tested eight readily available functional coffee add-ins to determine which are legit and which are losers. I spent a week with each, adding the dosage detailed in the serving size section of the nutrition facts panel to an 8-ounce cup of coffee. A few explicitly instructed us to add the dose to a larger cup of liquid, in which case we upped the amount of coffee used as a base. The coffee I used was a single-origin Guatemalan bean roasted by Atlas Coffee Club. It was brewed in a Fellow Aiden on the light roast Guided Brew setting in 5-cup batches.

Be sure to check out our many coffee-related buying guides, including the Best Drip Coffee Makers, the Best Coffee Subscriptions, the Best Coffee Concentrates, and the Best Gifts for Coffee Lovers.

• Best Add-In for Boozehounds

  

  Photograph: Pete Cottell

  Javvy

  Collagen Creamer

  If your Instagram algorithm is anything like mine you’ve probably seen targeted ads for Javvy’s Protein Creamer, which has mysteriously replaced the Collagen Creamer on almost every corner of the internet. The bag says it contains 10 grams of protein, yet it also says that said protein is 0% of your daily nutritional allotment. To further compound the Mandela Effect surrounding this purchase, Amazon replaced the former with the latter in my order history. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I tried the Collagen Creamer, and I wholeheartedly endorse it even if it ends up being some Tyler Durden-esque figment of my imagination.

  A 22-gram dose of this vibrant white powder will feel like a lot in an 8-ounce coffee, but it dissolves seamlessly and adds a tinge of vanilla aroma to the cup. The sweetness that buzzes around the aftertaste arrives via Purified Acacia Hyrdolysate, aka Sukre®, which is a nice substitute for the uncanny sugary tang of stevia that’s so popular in bougie beverages and supplements these days. The mouthfeel is gentle and creamy, with a nice halo of froth atop the cup. This is not something my body could handle on a daily basis now that the excellent brewing skills of the Fellow Aiden have effectively weaned me off coffee creamer, but it’s a nice treat when you’re hungover or stuck with a subpar coffee situation.

Not Recommended

Photograph: Pete Cottell

Four Sigmatic Think Vanilla Coconut Creamer for $15: Four Sigmatic carries a staggering variety of boosted coffee and coffee-adjacent elixirs, so there’s a non-zero probability of finding a clunker or two in what may well be a portfolio of otherwise fine products. The bonus brain tickle from the Lion’s Mane and L-Theanine in their Think Organic Coffee creamer is not nothing, but the flavor put forth by this tiny dose–just 8 grams of powder recommended per cup of coffee–is not something I found myself excited to revisit in the week I spent testing this one. The vanilla and coconut notes are far less pronounced than other comparable products, with the monk fruit extract handling most of the heavy lifting within the flavor profile. If you’re on a keto diet and are already used to this style of sweetener, then this is a good fit for you, while anyone who prefers more normie sweeteners (or none at all) may want to avoid Think altogether.

Photograph: Pete Cottell

Cymbiotika Nootropic Creamer in Coconut Vanilla for $30: During the pandemic, the Pittsburgh-based supplement and fitness store GNC filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. They closed over 1,000 stores in the process, and today they’re limping along with a patchwork of poorly-stocked, barely-open shops in strip malls and zombie malls across the country. In the end, they survived the pandemic, but a new challenger emerges: app-based clean girl superstores run by businessmen-turned-wellness gurus. Cymbiotika fancies itself as a one-stop shop for wellness influencers and wannabes of all stripes. No matter what your malady or fitness goals may be, this San Diego-based company has a salve, balm, powder, or oil to help. Lines are clean, colors are muted, and the aesthetics are, uh, aesthetic. This is a fine business model if their products were good, but their nootropic creamer calls into question their stylish, minimalistic approach. It has very little flavor in its minuscule 5.2 gram dose, and what little flavor it does have is heavy on Stevia. You could up the dose for efficacy, but you probably won’t want to after one cup of this astringent, uncanny powder. To add insult to injury, the strip that seals the mylar bag closed is tiny and comes preloaded with a thin coating of powdery gunk, making it impossible to close effectively after just one use. If I had a supplement “stack” that was lacking in Alpha GPC or L-Theanine I suppose this is an acceptable vehicle for filling in those nutritional cracks, but the idea of continuing use of this as a standalone creamer replacement is more unappealing than spending a week at a wellness retreat in the desert led by a guy named Kaarsen who went viral on Tik Tok by explaining the vegetables are bad for you, actually.

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Pete Cottell is a product reviews contributor at WIRED. He focuses on home recording gadgets, synths, geeky MIDI gear, and all things related to caffeination. Pete is a graduate of Ohio State University, where he majored in advanced service industry arts (communications). He is based in Columbus, Ohio, and daylights ... Read More

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