My parents are ‘super agers’. Here are six things I have learnt from them
SOURCE:Sydney Morning Herald|BY:Robyn Willis
At a time when friends are losing their parents or managing an array of doctor’s appointments, mine are in rude good health. As I get older I’ve started paying more attention to what they do.
At this point in my life I am meant to be part of the sandwich generation, that group of Gen X-ers struggling to balance the demands of kids against the needs of ageing parents.
Except I’m not. The kids are on their way (there are some advantages to starting your family early) and my parents are fit and well, despite both being the other side of 80. In fact, you could call them “super agers”, that happy breed enjoying a high quality of life relative to their years on the clock.
While you could put some of it down to winning a genetic lottery, our family history is as chequered as most, with early deaths due to heart attack and cancer scattered among the family tree. So my parents must be doing something right.
Here is what I have learnt from them.
These are not my parents, although my dad doesn’t go anywhere without a hat.Credit: Getty Images
Cultivate interests
Both my parents developed interests outside work long before they retired. For my mother, tennis has been a constant. Indeed, one of the earliest photos I have of myself is at the age of three, standing with my mother and her fellow players, all of them resplendent in ’70s tennis outfits – iconic. Whether she was in paid employment or not, she made sure to play at least once a week.
My dad discovered sailing when he was in his 40s and became obsessed with the sport, which came along at a point in his life where there was enough money to spare to eventually buy a lightweight catamaran, perfect for darting all over Botany Bay. He joined the local catamaran club and remains an active member to this day.
They also both have separate interests that get them out of the house, from bushwalking to arranging the flowers at the local church. My mother is also an organiser – arranging meet-ups with friends and family, as well as being an expert at finding cost-effective offers for events like classical music performances.
My mum has played tennis for as long as I can remember. That’s me, bottom-right, with my mum and her tennis cohort in the early 1970s.Credit:
Adjust, don’t stop
Yes, Mum still plays tennis and Dad still goes out on the bay, although things look a little different than they used to. You’re more likely to find Dad on the rescue boat, these days, rather than the catamaran, which is designed to handle tipping into the water on a regular basis but requires a certain level of strength to set right. But he still loves the water, so helping out with the rescue boat keeps him connected.
Mum still loves to get on the court, albeit with less reach than she used to have, along with a group of women of a similar age. But you’re just as likely to find her on the golf course, or walking with friends on one of several routes near their home. She’s hoping to get back into swimming, which she gave up when COVID hit, at her local pool.
My parents certainly have their aches and pains and make an effort to stay on top of any medical issues but it’s not their main topic of conversation. In fact, when my mother’s shoulder gives her trouble, she seems more annoyed than anything that she will be a no-show for golf that week. Make no mistake, though, she’ll be back once she has sorted it out.
Just keep moving, no trophies required
Just for the record, my mother has been named ladies’ player of the year at her local golf club in the past but she has always emphasised that, for the most part, she was not “the best” at anything. Is she being too modest? In my view, yes, but there’s something in the idea of just turning up, week after week, regardless of whether you’re over or under par, just for the love of it.
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They’ve never been into extreme activities – you won’t find any triathletes in my family – just mildly rigorous but regular activity, sustained over decades.
Competitive personalities might struggle with the notion of ceding their achievements to the next generation but there’s a lot to be said for perseverance and focusing on improving your skills.
Keep making friends
My late grandmother once told me that one of the worst things about getting old was that all her friends were dead. Indeed, there’s nothing that can replace the people closest to you, and going to funerals now seems to be a regular event for my parents.
At the same time, both of them have stayed open to meeting new people, whether they are neighbours, locals at the cafe or fellow parishioners at their church. Most of these relationships are not particularly high-stakes but that’s not the point. The mental health benefits of staying connected and feeling useful in your community speak for themselves.
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My parents are also willing to risk the possibility that their attempts at friendship will be rejected. In a digital age, just offering a friendly “hello” has become something of a lost art. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Eat well, simply
My parents, like most people their age, are on a fixed income, so they eat simply, and mostly at home. Meat and three veg (or salad) is the order of the day most of the time, in smaller portions. We’ve also never been a family of big drinkers, although they enjoy a beer or a glass of wine or two if they’re dining out.
Age is just a number
When we hosted my mother’s last significant birthday, my sister and I ensured there was no reference to her years at the party because we knew she would prefer it that way. Sure, most of us don’t want (or need) to be reminded of our age, but in Mum’s case I think it’s more about putting age to one side and living the life in front of you.
I’m taking notes.
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