“We all fantasize about the life we want to live. Those fantasies often include what we imagine we’ll do with a partner,” says Jack Worthy, licensed psychotherapist and faculty with Gestalt Associates in New York. “More often than not, we end up living in a way to protect those fantasies. If I always imagined I would buy my first house or travel extensively or learn to dance with my spouse, I wait on those pursuits, wanting to fulfill my vision of, say, hiking the Appalachian Trail for the first time with my husband or wife,” he told me.

Once my friend and I decided to take on this pursuit, it was time for research. Everyone I spoke to suggested that we must choose a location where the slopes are beginner friendly, otherwise it could ruin our first experience. We booked our tickets for Combloux, a sister village next to Megeve in France, where a lot of children learn skiing because the slopes are not that steep. 

We were particularly focussed on choosing a location that’s not overcrowded, so it wouldn’t be overwhelming. Since neither of us speak French, I was nervous about finding a ski instructor who can speak English. My biggest fear was getting injured as a result of not being able to understand instructions. However, we found out that most instructors at the Ecole de Ski Français, the world's largest ski school, speak English. 

We met our instructor, Anthony, in the afternoon for our first ski lesson. He also helped us to find the right rental gear. It took a while to understand the basics and keep ourselves standing. I found it oddly comforting to do the lesson with a friend who was equally clueless about the whole process, rather than a romantic partner. I realized how embarrassing it would have been to keep falling on my face in front of a boyfriend, and wondered why I had waited so long to do this in the first place. 

For many people, independence may look like resignation. “Letting go of a vision we hold about partnered life can feel like letting go of the belief that we’ll ever be partnered. If I, as a single person, always imagined buying a home with a partner, and I buy a home on my own, am I admitting to the world and myself that I doubt I’ll ever be married?” explains Worthy.   

Fear also played a part. We were scared of injuring ourselves, but Anthony told us the trick to skiing is to completely eliminate fear out of our heads. I watched children practice around us and noticed that they didn’t mind falling down. These toddlers could barely walk, but they were skiing the best they could. 

There was a larger group of school kids with only one instructor between them. I saw a child struggling while the instructor was busy. He was hanging onto the moving rope that we were supposed to hold onto, the one that takes you a few feet up the slope, so he could practice sliding down. There was no one to help him, but the five-year-old struggled until he figured it out. It took a good ten minutes, but he rearranged his body position until it worked. 

That’s when I realized that if a child can do it, so can I. I reminded myself that it’s completely okay to fall, and that I will figure it out, too. Once I adopted this mindset, I became more fearless and kept getting better at the lesson. “Growth is proving to yourself that you can do something you weren’t entirely sure you could do. I teach my patients (and my children) to recognize that feeling, to fall in love with it, and to spend their lives chasing it, from one experience to another. Growth is life’s healthiest addiction,” says Worthy. 

After a few lessons, I was able to ski down steeper slopes on bigger mountains. I’m convinced that’s the closest thing to flying that humans can ever experience. The fact that I decided to stop waiting for a boyfriend and took a class with my friend on my own timeline made me very proud. Every time my instructor told me I was doing “really well,” the pride felt deeper because it wasn’t tied to being chosen or guided by a romantic partner. 

It was a reminder that I was responsible for my own joy. I was pushing my body to keep going, despite the pain. If I was doing well, it was because of my own tenacity. 

And ultimately, that will help me show up as my best self in a relationship someday. “If you spend your young adult life moving from one growth experience to another, you come to know yourself more deeply. Your self respect develops. You trust yourself. You want to bring that version of yourself into a relationship,” Worthy told me.