The Appeal of Prenups

Prenups aren’t taboo anymore—at least not for members of some younger generations. Plus:

Person proposing to another using an iPad.

More than forty per cent of millennials and Gen Z-ers claim to have signed a prenup.Illustration by Fortunate Joaquin

Hannah Jocelyn
Newsletter editor

Prenups are having a moment. It’s now easy, cheap, and statusy to get one—and that’s what millennials and Gen Z-ers are doing, in droves. Young couples are using apps like HelloPrenup and Wenup to streamline the process, and hiring coaches to talk them through it. The New Yorker staff writer Jennifer Wilson set out to investigate this new world of prenuptial negotiation, and then sat down with me (a fellow-millennial) to talk through what she found. Our conversation has been edited and condensed.

In an old “Seinfeld” episode, George asks his fiancée for a prenup in the hope that she’ll be so offended that she’ll call off the wedding. That’s quite the vibe shift from today, as you pointed out. What’s changed?

I spoke to a “prenup coach,” a financial adviser in Kansas, who told me that this generation just doesn’t trust marriage. Twenty-five per cent of millennials are the children of divorce or separation.

And, then, there’s a certain amount of glamour attached to having a prenup; it’s something associated with celebrity uncoupling. With social media, and especially Instagram, people are more interested in projecting a certain image of themselves as having access to luxury items, and prenups have become something of a luxury item—a way to telegraph your status or the status you aspire to have.

You mention, too, that younger generations tend to favor easy exits.

Ours is a generation that values our freedom. We move around more; we’d rather rent; we’d rather stay mobile. Divorce can really prevent mobility. You get stuck in a kind of prolonged purgatory. But a prenup can shorten that process.

Also, millennials and Gen Z-ers are digital natives. We do everything online. So these new prenup apps fit into that preference for seamless transactions that involve as few humans as possible.

Our generation is famously broke. What are we so worried about losing in a divorce?

I know. I thought we blew all our money on avocado toast. But what I learned is that it’s not always about assets, actually. The younger generation is also dealing with student-loan debt; it’s a major issue. In some community-property states, like California or Louisiana, if you start paying off that debt with income earned during the marriage, without a prenup stating otherwise, after the divorce you could be required to reimburse your spouse for half your student loans. I should say, these are the kinds of things you can learn with the prenup apps. They’re educational.

For research, I made a fake prenup using HelloPrenup. How that one works is, you and your partner answer a series of questions, and the app figures out where you’re aligned and where you’re not. Once it’s all sorted, the app will auto-generate what’s supposed to be an enforceable agreement—including, if you elect, really specific clauses, like a social-image clause, which attaches a financial penalty to trashing your ex on social media.

So you really get to know your partner in the process of creating a prenup.

I think that’s the main value of all this. Even if you don’t go through with the prenup, these apps really get you to have conversations you might not otherwise have.

There are drawbacks, though. One researcher I spoke with talked about something called optimism bias, meaning that people who sign prenups don’t really think they’re going to use them. This can lead to people accepting less than favorable terms, to please their partner. That’s an argument against the apps; a long practicing attorney who’s seen it all can nudge you, it’s thought, in a more prudent direction.

I’ve been married since before these apps existed. What advice would you give to those of us without a prenup?

Well, New York is an equitable-distribution state, so you already do have a prenup, in a sense. A judge would decide what’s an equitable split of assets. Prenups proper basically exist to override the law, to tailor it to the individual couple.

Would you get a prenup?

Everyone keeps asking me that, which is funny because I’m not even dating anyone. Over all, I think young people want a prenup because they hope to come out of marriage unscathed, feeling like they didn’t really lose anything. It’s that easy exit again. And the romantic in me rejects that concept a little bit. Love is a risk. I’m looking for someone I’d let ruin me.

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Erin Neil contributed to today’s edition.

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