Spare me the hugging, kissing, sitting on each other’s laps. What’s the excuse so close to breakfast? First and foremost, let me say: I love love. I’m in love – I’m happily married with two boys. I’m surrounded by love, because most of my friends and family are in long-term relationships and have kids of their own. Heck, I even love it when strangers find love. Since its inception, I have watched every episode of Pop the Balloon or Find Love – a US reality dating show hosted by Arlette Amuli. While it’s entertaining observing how treacherous the dating market is, I’m more thrilled when two people match and commence their own love journey. However, for all my appreciation of love, public displays of affection (PDAs) on the morning commute should be punishable by prison. I’m talking hugging, kissing, even sitting on each other’s laps – all of the above are abominable to watch. In my dictatorship, those who committed such crimes would be locked up without due process. The British tonguing police (BTP) would ensure that perpetrators were swiftly caught. They would not pass go, they would not collect £200. They would go directly to jail. Michael Akadiri is a standup comedian and resident doctor. He embarks on his Don’t Call Me Uncle tour across the UK and Ireland in 2026 Continue reading...