Want a better relationship? Here are 15 expert tips you can use now
Relationships fail through repeated small acts more often than major, cataclysmic events. But while conflict is inevitable, small habits can help couples to maintain positive connections.
By Joshua Coleman
December 29, 2025 — 3.00pm
Relationship advice is everywhere – much of it simplistic, contradictory or disconnected from how partners function. After more than four decades as a couples therapist, I’ve found that lasting improvement rarely comes from grand gestures or clever techniques, but rather from a small set of habits that change how partners talk, listen and take responsibility when things get difficult.
Here are some of the best ways to communicate with your partner – based on my own experience and scientific research – to help you improve your relationship.
Looking for the positives in your relationship sets it up for success. Stay curious and be an active listener.Credit: Getty Images
Start with a positive comment
Conversations tend to end the way they begin. Starting with something positive about the other person increases the likelihood of a constructive outcome and signals that your goal is to improve the relationship – not to shame or criticise.
Pick the right time to talk
Just because you’ve worked up the nerve to raise an issue doesn’t mean now is the best moment. Let your partner know you would like to work on something together and ask if this is a good time. If they say no, ask when that would be – within the next week. Unless there’s a genuine crisis, don’t accept indefinite postponement.
Calibrate the intensity of your complaint
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Rating your concern on a scale from 1 to 10 can help your partner hear you. A “1” says, “This isn’t a big deal, but I’d like us to address it.” A “10” communicates, “If this doesn’t change, I’m not sure I can stay in the relationship.” Giving your partner some context may help reduce their fear and ultimately defensiveness. It can also alert them that they may need to pay much closer attention than they have in the past.
Talk about their behaviour, not character
Instead of saying, “You’re lazy, selfish, mean,” talk about how their behaviour affects you. Say: “When you say you’ll be home by 7 and don’t show up until 8.30, and you don’t call to let me know, I feel hurt, resentful, taken for granted,” instead of, “You’re so self-centred and cruel that you didn’t even have the decency to let me know you’d be late!” The former is more effective because it centres the behaviour on your reaction and not the other’s character traits.
