Why do I feel lonely even when I'm surrounded by a festive crowd?
Feeling alienated in others' company, or "existential isolation", can happen to us all. David Robson digs into the psychological literature for a solution for one reader
Mind
Feeling alienated in others' company, or "existential isolation", can happen to us all. David Robson digs into the psychological literature for a solution for one reader
By David Robson
3 December 2025
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Feeling alienated in others’ company can happen to anyone at any time
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As we enter the holiday season, one Dear David reader is dreading loneliness this Christmas. It isn’t that she lacks friends or family, she says, but that she sometimes finds the enforced jollity of work parties and family gatherings to be alienating. “I feel like I’m the only person not having fun,” she says. “I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but I find it hard to get into the festive spirit when I’m already struggling with my mental health. I end up feeling lonelier than if I’d stayed at home.”
Feeling alienated in others’ company – named “existential isolation” in the psychological literature – can happen to anyone at any time in life. Psychologists define it as the sense that no one sees the world through our perspective or understands how we are feeling, even when we are surrounded by other people. Those who score highly on measures of existential isolation are at a like depression and tend to be to treatments.